June 6 2012

Dear Grandpa Bagley,

I don't know what my problem is lately, but recently I've become very bitter. It's horrible I know and I really thought I was doing better. Maybe I'm just having a bad week I'm not sure but here's what I do know...

I'm really upset that you died. I mean really really upset. And it's stupid really i mean it's been six months and I haven't shed a tear but suddenly here I am two weeks ago in the middle of church and I'm bawling but here's the thing it was during a prayer and seriously no one had said anything at all that set me off. I mean we weren't talking about death or anything it was your typical prayer... Bless this bless that.

But all of a sudden I'm thinking about you and how you aren't in your little house anymore and I had tears running down my face. It was crazy, but you understand I know. You know grief you lost your first and second wife and your oldest and youngest daughter so you know that I'm not crazy just sad.

Anyway I started to have a series of nightmares last week. In my dreams you were still alive but had wings and all of your family was gathered to look at your silos by your house.

When I woke up I thought it had all been a horrible dream that you had died because my dreams had been so real.

I had to forcefully remind myself that I had seen you in your coffin and that you aren't here.

Except you are still alive with wings now right? I mean my sisters will make sure you do okay. Not that you need help or something stupid like that.

Heck you probably have a massive tomato garden up there and you're probably still talking to them as you water your flowers and hunt for night crawlers.

So I'm not worried about you much. But I still miss you. I missed you a lot last night.

I made this blog (that's an online journal) called verlbagley@silverstone Because it's your email. And I hope you still get email in heaven or that you can read it every week or something. Your probably pretty busy and all with the angel stuff you do. But I'll be able to pretend its just like six months ago and that it's still okay.

I'm kind of glad you couldn't reply to often in the end. That make it harder for me cause I would expect a reply. But if you choose to reply now I wouldn't mind so much.

With great love,
Your great-granddaughter,
Ashley